my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
