"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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