omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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