That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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