that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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