I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
