I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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