i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
