you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
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For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
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Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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