my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
