My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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