Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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