she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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