White coat. Heels.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
