weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
