I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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