I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
