I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
