I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
ttyl tear gas
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
