I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
