I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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