Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I have post one night stand depression
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
