God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize