Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
