I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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