What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
