I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
