he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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