So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Randomize
