He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
