Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
