everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
