The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
