I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
