I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
