If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
