Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
