I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
