It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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