I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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