Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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