i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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