Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
