You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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