I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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