remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
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My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
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I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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