Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
