hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
