i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
