I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
