Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
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Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
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We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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