Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
