OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
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Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
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Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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