this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
