i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
