dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
God gave him joint rollers for hands
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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