Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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