It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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