You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
