bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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