Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
