I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
