what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
