Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
