Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I have aggressive nipples.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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