He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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