Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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