I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
